How do you ask for what you want?
Do you just focus on getting it, or do you ask like this:
“Sorry to ask but …” (apology). “If it’s OK with you, I’d like you to…” (permission). “If I do this for you, will you …?” (negotiation) “I’ll only do that if you …” (ultimatum).
I could go on. Very few people ask directly for what they want, because very few people actually believe they can have what they want. Imagine asking for what your heart desires… it really is a skill. In my private sessions I often play a game where I ask my client to move an item. The lengths they go to, to get me to move it, is not only revealing of their underlying belief(s) of why they can’t get me to move it, but it is a quick way to activate a nervous system into a survival state. Happens in seconds.
Understanding the cues your body send you when you ask for something, lets you know which nervous system state you’re in when you ask for anything. Anything.
When you know the nervous system state, you can match not only the energy with which you show up in life but also the underlying belief(s) that stop you from asking for what you really want, like a beautiful relationship!
Look at this example, asking for a simple cup tea:
“Could I bother you to…” (Asking with apology) = Dorsal Vagal energy / Shutdown (Belief: I’m probably not worth it) “If it’s OK with you, and only if you have time, could you please…” (Asking with permission = Dorsal vagal energy/Shutdown (Belief: I don’t deserve it). ”Stop what you’re doing and …?” (Asking with force) = Sympathetic / Fight/Flight (Belief: I have to overpower or be overpowered). “I’ll only do that thing you want if you …” (Asking with pressure) = Sympathetic / Fight/flight (Belief: I have to control others to get what I want).
By the end of a simple practice, we can determine which survival state the person goes into when they ask for what they want. Not just for tea, but for the life they want.
State precedes story.
Vibration precedes manifestation.
Now we can regulate for the state, neutralise the belief system (story) that accompanies the state and change the body's electromagnetic signature.
Regulating your nervous system isn't just taking deep breaths when you're overwhelmed. Nervous System Regulation lets you cultivate a relationship with yourself and allows you to gently release shame over how you show up in the world, and how you ask for what you want. It answers a lot of unanswered questions.
I offer private and online regulation and alchemy sessions, message me if you'd like to know more.
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