One of the best ways to activate your Social Engagement System or Ventral Vagal Branch of the Vagus Nerve is, to, you guessed it, laugh!
The Restore Method's Creativity section offers numerous vibrant hand-outs and fun practices to be used at home or in group or private sessions. I love to hear how the kids stick them to their walls at home to refer to, when needed.
Of all the feedback tools I've shared with my groups, this is one of my favourites: Don't Let it In.
In the Creativity section, Session 10, In and Out of My Control investigates what happens to our bodies when we feel we can't control a situation. It looks at the role neuroception (external cues), interoception (internal cues) and perception (thoughts, assumptions, beliefs) play when we feel we can't control a situation and/or person.
From feedback I've received, it's the freeze state that shows up most predominantly when children don't feel in control of a situation. The fear of being dominated and over-powered becomes simply too much to handle, and although it may at first anger or mobilise them into fighting back, it's simply easier to go into shutdown where fawning and/or pretending to be dead is a much easier way to 'stay alive'.
It's the moment the over-powering parent, sibling, teacher, coach or bully's threatening snarl, stare or scowl (neuroception) elicits numb legs, tight chest and a dry throat (interoception) in the child's body, that the survival brain says: I'm taking you out to protect you. Those kids drop into immobilisation as a way to protect themselves and in their frozen state, their perception of themselves, others and the world may sounds like: My needs don't matter. Others are stronger than me. The world is dangerous. Now imagine that happens at school. The immobilised child can't escape into their bedroom so they disappear into their inner world. They are being singled out for not concentrating, focusing and listening. Truth is - they can't actually hear properly. Their hearing is now attuned to predator sounds and the middle-ear muscle that picks up on human voice is out of action for the time being.
I was one of those immobilised kids, accused of the same and taken for multiple hearing tests.
It takes a while to come out of shutdown. Just like a little turtle who has decided to hide under its shell, coaxing that child out will time and care.
If they had the correct support, it would look like a teacher taking them for a 10-minute walk outside, inviting them to do an active breath sequence like The Breath of Joy and handing them a glass of ice to chew on, to stimulate their Vagus Nerve and parasympathetic response.
This particular session also looks at the types of criticism, being constructive, self-criticism and negative criticism. Years ago, I came across a fantastic feedback tool for negative criticism created by Marisa Peer. Whenever I have needed it, to deal with negative criticism, I have actually never gone past "Thanks for sharing."
Turns out, this is also accurate for most of the kids in my group who experimented with it.
Of course, they use it mostly on their annoying siblings and from all accounts, it works a treat.
I always remind children to establish early on if it's even worthwhile responding to someone who hands out negative criticism. Most often, it is a parent and/or primary carer and the child will simply launch an appropriate survival response to cope with the ongoing situation - and yes, it's to freeze/immobilise/shutdown and eventually, disassociate.
Here is the tool: Don't Let it In.
The objective is that whatever someone says to you is met by these standard responses and in this particular order. The moment they escalate their criticism you simply reply with:
You're such a loser.
Thank you for sharing.
I hate your guts!
Are you trying to make me feel bad about myself?
I don't need to! You're already an idiot!
I know what you're doing and I'm not going to let it in.
Oh WHATEVER. I can't stand you, anyway.
Did you know? People who are overly critical of others reserve the worst criticism for themselves.
In every session, The Restore Method encourages practicing embodiment practices as a way to interpret messages from the environment or neuroception; messages from the body or interoception, e.g. gut feeling and perception - what the person makes it mean. These are all important facets of Polyvagal Theory and The Restore Method's approach to showing kids how to connect. interpret and regulate for the subtle and not-so-subtle cues their environment, body and minds send them.
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